AVR Freaks

I notice there's a "Getting to know the AVRFreaks community" presentation. Should we submit life sized cardboard cutouts? Stage some gorilla theater?

Captain Giovannious was nervous. Actually, he was beyond nervous. He was a barely walking disaster, a veritable train wreck, all atwitter. He was 175 characters stuffed into a 140 character tweet.

He didn't like public speaking, nor, if truth were told, did he like speaking at all. He considered himself a man of action, dynamic potential in motion, although in actuality he preferred the inaction of sitting on his butt in front of his dual flat screens while the world pursued its dynamism outside by itself.

But he had been ordered by his supervisor to speak, in public no less, at the "Getting to know the AVRFreaks Community" session at an upcoming conference. He had been assured he would do fine, but he had nothing to say. Not figuratively, literally. He knew he'd open his mouth, and nothing would come out. He would look like a fool.

"Don't worry," his supervisor said upon hearing his concerns. "They're just a bunch of engineers. They won't be listening anyway." It was a small comfort to the Captain, and his reasoned arguments, then pathetic pleas, then infantile whining had had no effect. He was going to speak, or be shot by an unseen sniper when he least expected it.

"At least I would die like the martyr I would probably like to be remembered as," he thought, "and not like the spineless weasel I am. Would that qualify me for any virgins?"

"Of course we're going to the conference!" sneered The Usch. Both the Son of Claw and Uncle Bob looked at him questioningly, then at each other. "Whatever," muttered Uncle Bob.

"Do you know the way to San Jose?" asked the Son of Claw.

"I know the way to the bleeping airport," said The Usch, a little too quietly for comfort. "I think the pilot knows the rest."

"L.A. is a great big freeway," chimed in Uncle Bob. The Son of Claw and The Usch looked at him in disbelief. "Just sayin'," he said after an awkward silence.

Uncle Bob had been a little squirrely since his return from his "secret assignment." For that matter, the Son of Claw and even The Usch were slightly off since their "secret assignments" too, although The Usch's inherent character was such that a few minor external "adjustments" hadn't made much difference. Nobody was talking about their time away, or where they went, or what they did. They still didn't know themselves, and it was a bit like a poorly remembered bad dream.

"Where's Leon?" asked Uncle Bob, out of the blue. The Son of Claw and The Usch independently ignored him. He might as well have asked "Where's lunch?" since the response would have been the same - "Who knows?"

"We'll go to the conference, size up the playing field, endear ourselves to the key players, and take over the future direction of development." The Usch said it with such finality that everyone present could actually believe it.

"Where's Captain Giovannious?" asked Uncle Bob. For once he got a direct answer, and it came from the Son of Claw. "He's still on his special assignment. Nobody's seen him since he left. For once he won't be a problem."

"Do you think they duct taped his mouth?" asked Uncle Bob, but the looks he received from the other two hinted that he was getting close to taboo subjects. "Did they break his fingers, or at least the offensive ones?" The looks no longer just hinted.

The Captain was at a loss, so he did the only thing he knew to do in such circumstances. Logging in, he started a new thread.

"Help!!!!!!!!!! Urgent!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he typed.

Chuck, you've got to pack up all these and jam them into a LaTeX PDF for easy reading. If you can just give me the post references I'd be happy to do it for you, if you'd rather.