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 Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 12:18 AM |
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Joined: Jul 02, 2005
Posts: 5951
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
(but deserved an A+, maybe?)
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
* Wet
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* He sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack. |
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Ross McKenzie
ValuSoft
Melbourne Australia
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Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 01:26 AM |
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Joined: Dec 18, 2001
Posts: 4724
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| I have a great little book entitled "(F) On Exams" or some such. Filled with such hilarious examples. Says they're real. |
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Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 02:14 AM |
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Joined: Nov 17, 2004
Posts: 13853
Location: Vancouver, BC
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Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 02:21 AM |
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Joined: Jul 02, 2005
Posts: 5951
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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| oh dear! Time to call the retirement village for a booking I guess. |
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Ross McKenzie
ValuSoft
Melbourne Australia
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Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 04:26 AM |
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Joined: Oct 15, 2005
Posts: 530
Location: Russia, Far East Siberia, Irkutsk
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valusoft wrote:
oh dear! Time to call the retirement village for a booking I guess.
It's OK! Your 'exam answers' made me happy again  Thank you! |
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Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 06:52 AM |
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Joined: May 02, 2007
Posts: 3022
Location: Nieuwegein, Netherlands
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it is a very old joke, but I love it every time I see it
there are a couple more of those exams. I have once read one on an exam about writing software(mixed c and assembly). that was also hilarious ( it was a blend of c and assembly that when read the first time meant nothing, but when reading again (just stupid to say) was a real big joke. never seen that one again though.... |
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1)Datasheet and application notes checked?
2)tutorial forum
3)Newbie start here
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Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 11:04 AM |
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Joined: Oct 15, 2005
Posts: 530
Location: Russia, Far East Siberia, Irkutsk
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Ladies and Gentlemen! I have a suggestion: let's post more jokes)
As a little example:
1. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
"hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?
2. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
3. You went to bed at eight 8 o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine 9 o'clock in the morningHow many hours sleep would you get before being awoken by the alarm?
4. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?
5. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window? |
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Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 03:46 PM |
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Joined: Nov 17, 2004
Posts: 13853
Location: Vancouver, BC
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Quote:
1. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
"hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?
You are anonymous to the people outside the organization, not inside. And inside last names are never used. |
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Regards,
Steve A.
The Board helps those that help themselves.
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Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 03:55 PM |
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Joined: Nov 11, 2003
Posts: 3904
Location: Chicago Illinois USA
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| But it was fun to read again. |
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Discursive design,
Torby
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints.
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Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 10:14 PM |
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Joined: Jun 13, 2009
Posts: 307
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
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Posted: Jun 06, 2012 - 03:06 AM |
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Joined: Oct 15, 2005
Posts: 530
Location: Russia, Far East Siberia, Irkutsk
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Koshchi wrote:
You are anonymous to the people outside the organization, not inside. And inside last names are never used.
OK! As every joke, this one maybe true, and maybe not  |
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Posted: Jun 06, 2012 - 02:42 PM |
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Joined: Jan 03, 2004
Posts: 1637
Location: Apalachin, NY, USA
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Posted: Jun 06, 2012 - 09:46 PM |
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Joined: Jun 13, 2009
Posts: 307
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
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haker_fox wrote:
Koshchi wrote:
You are anonymous to the people outside the organization, not inside. And inside last names are never used.
OK! As every joke, this one maybe true, and maybe not
From my years of being an alcoholic and attending these meetings, I interpret anonymity to mean that what is said at the tables stays at the tables. People in AA shouldn't go around telling everyone what so and so did before he got sober as it would hurt people's professions. You are anonymous to the rest of the world, not to the people in the meetings themselves.
/thread... |
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 07:26 AM |
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Joined: Oct 15, 2005
Posts: 530
Location: Russia, Far East Siberia, Irkutsk
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donblake wrote:
I don't know if this is true or not but I've seen it many times and it is funny:
Thermodynamic Question: Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?
Don
I've just read this It's very very very funny! It made my laugh!
In my country we usually say under such circumstances:
"which sort of question do you ask, the same sort of answer you will be replied". Unfortunately, I don't know how I can exactly (with a high quality) translate the expression from Russian into English. Sorry  |
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 07:31 AM |
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Joined: Oct 15, 2005
Posts: 530
Location: Russia, Far East Siberia, Irkutsk
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smkipus wrote:
haker_fox wrote:
Koshchi wrote:
You are anonymous to the people outside the organization, not inside. And inside last names are never used.
OK! As every joke, this one maybe true, and maybe not
From my years of being an alcoholic and attending these meetings, I interpret anonymity to mean that what is said at the tables stays at the tables. People in AA shouldn't go around telling everyone what so and so did before he got sober as it would hurt people's professions. You are anonymous to the rest of the world, not to the people in the meetings themselves.
/thread...
OK! Thank you very much for detailed explanation. I found that joke in the internet. So I didn't want to offend anyone. My apologies if the joke confused you! |
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 09:49 AM |
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Joined: Jul 02, 2005
Posts: 5951
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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haker_fox wrote:
In my country we usually say under such circumstances:
"which sort of question do you ask, the same sort of answer you will be replied". Unfortunately, I don't know how I can exactly (with a high quality) translate the expression from Russian into English. Sorry
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Ross McKenzie
ValuSoft
Melbourne Australia
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 11:17 AM |
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Joined: Feb 12, 2005
Posts: 16336
Location: Wormshill, England
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donblake wrote:
I don't know if this is true or not but I've seen it many times and it is funny:
Thermodynamic Question: Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?
Don
Brilliant. Especially that the student got Grade A.
Whatever happened to Theresa Manyan?
Was she impressed with his exam grade?
Did romance ever ensue .... |
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 11:33 AM |
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Joined: Dec 22, 2008
Posts: 361
Location: nr Bundaberg, Australia
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That thermodynamic exam answer is a classic.
______
Rob |
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 01:52 PM |
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Joined: Nov 11, 2003
Posts: 3904
Location: Chicago Illinois USA
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I once answered an exam question, "What difference does it make?"
It was, quite expectedly, marked wrong, but then the mark was changed and it said, "Ok, I concede, full credit."
(I marked it that as there was no way to figure out an answer.) |
_________________
Discursive design,
Torby
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints.
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 02:07 PM |
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Joined: Oct 15, 2005
Posts: 530
Location: Russia, Far East Siberia, Irkutsk
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david.prentice wrote:
Especially that the student got Grade A.
I believe he gave adequate response |
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 02:28 PM |
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Joined: Feb 19, 2001
Posts: 25923
Location: Wisconsin USA
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Quote:
You are anonymous to the rest of the world, not to the people in the meetings themselves.
Now, let's ease up and remember the spirit of the joke--the comic tells the joke and our immediate reaction is the contradiction. Of course, further thought uncovers the reality.
Other than that it is more personal etc. it is really the same as in USA we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway. |
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 03:03 PM |
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Joined: Mar 27, 2002
Posts: 18599
Location: Lund, Sweden
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The requirement on a good story is not that it is true, burt that it is ... good.
An example used by a Swedish author (Fritiof Nilsson "Piraten"):
Quote:
A man lit a match and used it to get light down the fuel tank filling pipe to see if there was petrol in the tank. There was...
The physical effect that is the funny part here (i.e. flames, burnt eyebrows etc) is actually likely to be much more intense for a tank that is almost empty than one that is fullt topped up. In an almost empty tank there will be a lot of fuel vapor + air mix. In the topped up tank there will be almost none.
But still the fun goes away if we change just one word..
Quote:
A man lit a match and used it to get light down the fuel tank filling pipe to see if there was petrol in the tank. There wasn't...
..it's superficially not that funny anymore.
BTW, Torby: Your current footer is really funny. Borge was half-geniuos! |
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 03:20 PM |
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Joined: Nov 11, 2003
Posts: 3904
Location: Chicago Illinois USA
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Seemed appropriate given the trouble I've been having playing with strings in C
Much enjoy Borge. Not just a great comedian, but a great pianist too. |
_________________
Discursive design,
Torby
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints.
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 06:20 PM |
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Joined: Sep 20, 2003
Posts: 4080
Location: Surrey, England
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Whas that an intentional supplementary joke(the strings/C/piano reference), or was it an accidental(# or
b)? |
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 08:35 PM |
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Joined: Feb 19, 2001
Posts: 25923
Location: Wisconsin USA
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Quote:
or was it an accidental(#
Ouch.
But wasn't C# developed on purpose? (C++ would be one step "more" than C, right? And that would make C# a half-step "higher"?) |
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Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 10:05 PM |
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Joined: Mar 27, 2002
Posts: 18599
Location: Lund, Sweden
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Posted: Jun 08, 2012 - 06:41 AM |
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Joined: Jan 03, 2006
Posts: 4417
Location: Hemel Hemsptead, UK
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| I quaver, waiting for the next pun from you crotchetty old fogeys... and hoping it doesn't fall flat! |
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Neil Barnes
www.nailed-barnacle.co.uk
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Posted: Jun 08, 2012 - 08:34 AM |
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Joined: Sep 20, 2003
Posts: 4080
Location: Surrey, England
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| Stop it, I can't breve from trying to stave off the laughter! |
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Posted: Jun 08, 2012 - 02:13 PM |
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Joined: Nov 11, 2003
Posts: 3904
Location: Chicago Illinois USA
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| That's great, Neil! |
_________________
Discursive design,
Torby
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints.
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Posted: Jun 09, 2012 - 02:21 AM |
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Joined: Jan 03, 2004
Posts: 1637
Location: Apalachin, NY, USA
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Posted: Jun 11, 2012 - 06:53 PM |
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Joined: Nov 11, 2003
Posts: 3904
Location: Chicago Illinois USA
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Let me guess before looking:
Drop the barometer and time how long it takes to fall?
Neils Bohr! Oh! Love it. |
_________________
Discursive design,
Torby
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints.
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Posted: Jun 11, 2012 - 07:19 PM |
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Joined: Jul 18, 2005
Posts: 62371
Location: (using avr-gcc in) Finchingfield, Essex, England
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Quote:
Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.
I used to have a Casio barometer watch and I used to work in a 10 storey building. While not HUGELY accurate the watch was enough to measure the building height to within about 5-10 feet.
Cliff
(most pilots know that pressure varies by 1" of mercury(~ 30 mb) per 1000 feet) |
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Posted: Jun 11, 2012 - 07:29 PM |
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Joined: Jan 03, 2006
Posts: 4417
Location: Hemel Hemsptead, UK
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Only close to the ground, of course. There's only three or four inches of mercury between 70,000 and 100,000 feet.
<blush> My foray into space exploration has been temporarily curtailed by a signed sixteen bit altitude display... got to 32k feet and started coming down again!
It's on its way back from Spain for some polishing for the software, then take two. |
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Neil Barnes
www.nailed-barnacle.co.uk
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Posted: Jun 11, 2012 - 09:48 PM |
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Joined: Feb 19, 2001
Posts: 25923
Location: Wisconsin USA
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Quote:
Let me guess before looking:
Offer to give the barometer to the building manager in exchange for the building height. |
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Posted: Jun 11, 2012 - 10:00 PM |
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Joined: Nov 11, 2003
Posts: 3904
Location: Chicago Illinois USA
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barnacle wrote:
Only close to the ground, of course. There's only three or four inches of mercury between 70,000 and 100,000 feet.
<blush> My foray into space exploration has been temporarily curtailed by a signed sixteen bit altitude display... got to 32k feet and started coming down again!
It's on its way back from Spain for some polishing for the software, then take two.
Nope! Get to 32767 feet, then go one more and find yourself 32 thousand feet under ground. |
_________________
Discursive design,
Torby
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints.
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Posted: Jun 12, 2012 - 06:51 AM |
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Joined: Jan 03, 2006
Posts: 4417
Location: Hemel Hemsptead, UK
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Nope, you find yourself coming down. The display routine changes sign if the input is negative, but at five digits there isn't room to display the minus sign, so it didn't.
It was originally designed on the assumption that (a) I might want to know how far below the top of a mountain was and (b) I was unlikely to be above breathable air... |
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Neil Barnes
www.nailed-barnacle.co.uk
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Posted: Jun 12, 2012 - 08:51 AM |
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Joined: Mar 27, 2002
Posts: 18599
Location: Lund, Sweden
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| Get a reasonably accurate measurement of the length of the barometer. While using a very long ladder, and the barometer as a yardstick, measure the height of the building in Barometers. Multiply that number with the length of the barometer and you have the height of the building. |
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Posted: Jun 12, 2012 - 02:32 PM |
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Joined: Feb 19, 2001
Posts: 25923
Location: Wisconsin USA
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Hold the barometer at arm's length. Back away from the building until the barometer and the building appear to be the same height. Measure the height of the barometer, the distance from eye to barometer, and the distance from eye to building. Calculate building height. No shadow needed.  |
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Posted: Jun 12, 2012 - 03:37 PM |
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Joined: Jul 18, 2005
Posts: 62371
Location: (using avr-gcc in) Finchingfield, Essex, England
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Quote:
. Measure the height of the barometer,
Isn't this why God put thumbs on the end of our arms? No need for a barometer and once you know your thumb and arm length they remain pretty static (unless something terrible occurs!). |
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Posted: Jun 12, 2012 - 06:13 PM |
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Joined: Mar 27, 2002
Posts: 18599
Location: Lund, Sweden
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Quote:
Isn't this why God put thumbs on the end of our arms?
You're really going out on a limb here, Cliff.. |
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Posted: Jun 13, 2012 - 08:50 AM |
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Joined: Oct 15, 2005
Posts: 530
Location: Russia, Far East Siberia, Irkutsk
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| Tie a string to the barometer. Go upstairs to the roof of building. Drop the barometer till the ground. Measure the length of the string |
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Posted: Jun 13, 2012 - 08:51 AM |
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Joined: Jul 02, 2005
Posts: 5951
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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| ... and add the length of the barometer to the length of the string ... |
_________________
Ross McKenzie
ValuSoft
Melbourne Australia
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Posted: Jun 13, 2012 - 08:57 AM |
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Joined: Jan 03, 2006
Posts: 4417
Location: Hemel Hemsptead, UK
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| Weigh the barometer at ground level and again at the top of the building; use the change of g with height to calculate the difference. |
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Neil Barnes
www.nailed-barnacle.co.uk
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Posted: Jun 13, 2012 - 03:08 PM |
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Joined: Oct 15, 2005
Posts: 530
Location: Russia, Far East Siberia, Irkutsk
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valusoft wrote:
... and add the length of the barometer to the length of the string ...
Yeah, that's right! |
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Posted: Jun 13, 2012 - 03:11 PM |
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Joined: Oct 15, 2005
Posts: 530
Location: Russia, Far East Siberia, Irkutsk
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barnacle wrote:
Weigh the barometer at ground level and again at the top of the building; use the change of g with height to calculate the difference.
The change of 'g' with height is so small... |
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Posted: Jun 13, 2012 - 03:21 PM |
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Joined: Nov 11, 2003
Posts: 3904
Location: Chicago Illinois USA
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| You just have to measure it very precisely. |
_________________
Discursive design,
Torby
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints.
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Posted: Jun 13, 2012 - 08:28 PM |
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Joined: Jan 03, 2006
Posts: 4417
Location: Hemel Hemsptead, UK
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Posted: Jun 13, 2012 - 10:24 PM |
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Joined: Mar 27, 2002
Posts: 18599
Location: Lund, Sweden
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Quote:
The change of 'g' with height is so small...
How can you be sure of that. We still haven't even gotten a ball park estimate of the height of the building. For what it's worth, and if the current race for higher buildings will continue, there might be a VERY high building eventually.
Heck, for a sufficiently high building the barometer-method that the teacher actually envisioned (difference in atmospheric pressure) is the only one of all the methods mentioned here that will not work. |
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Posted: Jun 13, 2012 - 11:55 PM |
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Joined: Nov 17, 2004
Posts: 13853
Location: Vancouver, BC
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| Eventually we will have elevators up to geosynchronous orbit, then the difference will easily be noticeable |
_________________
Regards,
Steve A.
The Board helps those that help themselves.
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Posted: Jun 14, 2012 - 06:54 AM |
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Joined: Jan 03, 2006
Posts: 4417
Location: Hemel Hemsptead, UK
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Koshchi wrote:
Eventually we will have elevators up to geosynchronous orbit, then the difference will easily be noticeable
Carry the barometer to the top of the building. Let it go.
If it goes *up*, you're above geosynch height; if it goes *down* you're below...
All you need then is a range of planets with different geosynch distances and you can easily solve the problem to any desired precision by binary splitting. |
_________________
Neil Barnes
www.nailed-barnacle.co.uk
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